GF-Fathers
by DarkPoltergeist
Summary: Dismissed by their wives, Mulder and the Captain end up in town celebrating their impending fatherhood


_AN: I wanted to offer my thanks to all of you that have followed this series. This one is a short story meant to be humorous (you can tell me if I've succeeded or not). It is the last story in this series that I will post for a while._

_I have plans to write one more extended story, probably novel length, for this series; probably a similar tone to Ghost Files #1. It will probably be a year until I get to it. In the meantime, if you haven't had a chance – check out my book "Ghost of the Gaelic Moon". _

_Thanks for reading- you are appreciated._

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**Fathers**

**Ghost Files #5**

**By Dark Poltergeist**

The sun was just beginning to set, a mild breeze cooled the remnants of the hot day, its heat now giving way to a more pleasant temperature. The Captain and Mulder sat on the steps that led up to the front doors of Gull Cottage, each quietly smoking a cigar as they stared out at the ocean.

Mulder exhaled the last puff from his cigar and put it out in the ash tray between them. After another minute the Captain followed suit, then picked up his glass of Irish Whiskey. He regarded his friend for a moment and then raised his glass, waiting for Mulder to follow suit.

With glasses raised, the Captain nodded at Mulder an allowed a slow smile to spread across his face. "To us, Fox, the most fortunate of men."

"Yeah, imagine that," he said, but frowned.

"You don't seem happy. How can that be? You are married to a beautiful woman, have your lost son back and expecting a new child," the Captain chided him.

"It's not that," he chuckled to himself. "Oh, hell, Danny. I wasn't around for this the first time; how do I know that I'll be a good Dad?"

"You're doing well with William. Surely that counts for something."

"I guess."

"You should be proud."

"I am! Honest!" Mulder drew himself up and peered cautiously over his shoulder. "But this baby? It was only a few hours that we were together, we just wanted to make use our younger bodies while we could, we missed that the first time around. Hell, we're a bit younger than when we first met." He grinned. "God, she's always been incredible, but…

The Captain held up his hand. "Please, Fox, I have no interest in knowing the details of your personal life."

"But it was incredible how quickly it happened, how quickly Scully got pregnant."

"Are you taking credit for it?" The Captain raised an eyebrow.

"Some," Mulder smirked at his friend. "I mean it was only hours after we became young again."

"Well, if that is the case, I need to remind you of something."

"What might that be?"

Daniel drew himself up to his full height and allowed himself a smug smile. "Though I took longer with Carolyn, she is having twins."

Mulder laughed at him. "And you think you're responsible for that?"

"Well, if we're taking credit."

At that moment the doors opened, and a very pregnant Dana Scully emerged with Carolyn Gregg, obviously pregnant but not quite as far along. They both stopped and regarded the two men. Scully crossed her arms in front of her and balanced them on her belly.

"Really, Mulder? You're taking credit for this?"

"Umm, well…"

"He is, full credit as I recall," the Captain supplied helpfully.

"And you?" Carolyn gestured at her growing girth. "You took credit for this?"

"It's not like anyone else could, is it?" Daniel demanded with only a slight feeling of guilt.

Carolyn glared at him and Mulder chuckled.

"At least I'm willing to take my lumps. Arguing only gets you in trouble," he mumbled to the Captain.

"I think we've heard enough from both of you," Carolyn said.

"What do you mean?" Mulder asked, going over to drop his arm around Scully who shook him off.

"Honey," he whined.

With a smug look for Fox, Daniel walked over to Carolyn and calmly placed his arm around her shoulders only to be shaken off as well.

"My dear?"

"Don't you my dear me! Taking credit for the fact that Dana and I are pregnant is…is…"

"Childish," Scully supplied helpfully. "Men couldn't have children without the women in their lives, can they?"

Mulder and the Captain wisely remained silent as they were scolded.

"I'm sorry," Mulder offered.

"Daniel?"

"Well, you wouldn't be having the children without me, would you?" He tried to retain shreds of his male dignity.

"No, you wouldn't be having these children without me," Carolyn said in a voice that was far too sweet. "And right now, the children and I think you need to leave."

"And go where?" he demanded.

"I don't care, just some place where you can do your self-congratulations out of earshot of Dana and I!"

"Carolyn!"

"You too, Mulder. I don't want to hear the two of you bragging about how masculine you are to have knocked up your wives. It's disrespectful to us."

"Sorry," the men chorused staring at their shoes.

Dana and Carolyn looked at each other and nodded, and then they each turned their man around and pushed them to the stairs.

"Dana?" Mulder asked.

"My Love?" Queried the Captain.

"You two go blow off some steam and leave us alone."

"But…" The Captain objected.

"Scully!"

The women pointed away from the house and turned away from their husbands and entered the front door, leaving the men staring after them in silence. At length the two men looked at each other.

"Well, I guess we could have handled that better."

"I'm inclined to agree with you, Fox."

They stared at the house for a while longer.

"They don't want us back in there right now."

"Perhaps we should find something else to do? Perhaps we should forget about them for a time and go into town and celebrate our impending fatherhood."

"Drinks?" Mulder's eyes lit up. "Yeah, let's do it." He pulled out his car keys. "Come on, Danny. We're going to town and celebrate."

"Agreed." The Captain walked over to the passenger side of the car as Mulder started the car. "Drinks with a friend will be most enjoyable."

The car travelled down the well-worn road, away from Gull Cottage, the newfound mission to celebrate their impending fatherhood at the local tavern.

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The local bar was dark, and reasonably well kept up, its motive a seafaring theme. The Captain and Mulder sat at the bar, whiskey before them.

"Do you think they're really mad at us?"

"Perhaps, Fox, but I think it will blow over. I suspect they just wanted us out of their way."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Mulder glanced at his companion, but the Captain just sipped his whiskey.

"I believe I was rather callous to my wife," he said at last.

"Me too. But their hormones are a bit out of control."

The Captain made a point of exhaling loudly and nodded. "I have noticed that her mood swings are getting greater and more frequent. Is that normal?"

"You're asking me?" Mulder put his hand on his chest, not sure if he should be flattered that the Captain was asking his advice or wary. "Why do you think I should know this?"

"You already have a child."

"One that I haven't seen in years. One that I left Scully to raise while I ran." He took a breath and calmed himself. "Sorry. I have no context, only what is happening now."

The Captain grunted and ordered another round for them. "All right then. Miss Scully…Dana is eight months now?"

"Yeah. I can hardly believe it. Another month and we'll have another baby." Mulder gulped down his drink.

Daniel laughed. "You are frightened?"

"Terrified. Aren't you?"

After a very long pause, the Captain nodded. "I have never had a child of my own before. I know that the time paradox has made Jonathan and Candy my children for which I am most grateful, but the same time paradox prevented me from being there to support Carolyn."

"Danny, that doesn't count. That was before this life started, before we all become young again." He regarded his hand and flexed it. "Gods. Maybe I should have waited to have sex with Scully."

Daniel regarded his friend with some concern. "Fox, you sound like you do not wish to be a father."

"No, it's not that." He paused. "It's that I should have thought about things a little bit first, thought of the consequences."

The Captain laughed. "That does not seem to be your strong point. You are must better at impulsive." He held up his glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." Mulder threw back his shot as well and ordered their next round.

"I am glad that Carolyn and I are having children together. I look forward to it."

Mulder began to laugh.

"What?"

"The look on your face. You look so, well, formal. Are you going to be a strict Dad?"

"Rules must be followed and obeyed."

Mulder snorted. "You're telling me this? Don't you know me at all?"

The Captain smiled at that.

"That's better, Danny. Have fun with your children. We have to have fun."

"Will that make us better fathers?"

"I don't know. But it will make us better Dads."

The Captain nodded, satisfied with that answer as their next round of drinks arrived.

"You will offer me assistance if I need it?" Daniel stared at the wall ahead of him as he asked the question.

Mulder laughed. "If I can. I'm going to be winging it too, you know?"

"To us then. Two men who are far older than our appearance about to be fathers for the first time."

"Men who are scared out of their minds!"

The men clinked their glasses together and let the liquor slide down their throats.

"Hey Danny, you know that if we drink too much we have to stay here. I already think I've had too much to drive back."

"Then I shall do it."

Mulder laughed in his face. "You don't like to drive. And what makes you think your…. tolerance…is better than me?"

"It was before."

"But you weren't human…before. You cheated because you were a ghost."

"Is that…a challenge?" The Captain yawned suddenly.

"Yeah. I'll outdrink you."

"No, you won't."

"I will. Starting now."

The Captain sighed and shook his head. "Very well. But," he had to pause a moment to focus his thoughts, "but I will still beat you."

"Nope." Mulder shook his head in an exaggerated motion. "Not gonna happen."

The Captain smiled at him, a wolfish grin. "We shall see."

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Somehow, when the bar was ready to close, they were still there on their barstools. Telling stupid jokes, singing raucous tunes and laughing together. The bartender gestured to the door as the lights blinked, signaling that everyone had to leave.

"Come on, Danny. We hafta…hafta…leave…" Mulder slid off his stool and tried to stand on wobbly knees.

The Captain laughed a deep, hearty laugh and got off his bar stool, standing tall. He squinted as the room began to spin and then closed his eyes.

"Blast and damn!"

"Danny, what?" Mulder slurred.

"Something seems…to be…amiss…"

"What?"

"My vision…is…wrong…"

"So's mine…don' worry 'bout it…"

"Fox!"

Mulder straightened up and stared at the Captain in alarm. "What?"

"You're drunk!"

"Yeah! So are you!"

"I am not," the Captain said, wobbling with great dignity.

Mulder motioned in a sloppy gesture towards the door. "I have a hotel room."

"Why? Why…do you have…a hotel room?"

"Cause we can't drive!"

"But I can fly!" The Captain scrunched his face and concentrated, but nothing happened. Mulder pointed at him and giggled.

"You…can't anymore, 'member? No…booooo!" He pantomimed a scary ghost.

"Blast!" The Captain scowled. "I am not sharing…. a room…with you."

"Why not?" Mulder asked in an offended tone.

"Because you are not…Carolyn."

Mulder's brow crinkled as he gave the Captain a puzzled look. "No, I'm not. But you're not…Scully either. So why can't we…share a room?"

The Captain blinked, trying to follow the reasoning, and stared at Mulder. "I don't…understand," he said at last. "But it could…be correct."

"C'mon. We need to…sleep this…off."

"Agreed. Lead on!"

The two of them staggered out of the bar and managed to make it down the short set of stairs with only a tumble or two, getting up was the more difficult task as they somehow both kept slipping and ending up on the ground.

They sat on the ground and laughed at each other until tears streamed out of their eyes.

"I think…we're…helpless…" Mulder mumbled.

"Hopeless?" The Captain guffawed, and Mulder giggled again. "Indeed, Fox. We are."

"We should try to get…to the hotel."

The Captain nodded and got to his feet and offered a hand to Mulder. After much cursing and wobbling, they managed to stand on their feet and grinned at each other. Arms thrown carelessly around each other, they made their way down the street to the blinking hotel sign.

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Oh God! Was that his head that hurt so much? Was it still attached to his head? Mulder moaned and felt comforted by the arm that lie across him, holding him in place. He smiled to himself, Scully wasn't usually so possessive, he wondered how mad she would be at him when she woke up? He leaned his head back so that his cheek rubbed hers, and felt a beard…

Slowly the Captain's mind stirred to life, and he knew that he couldn't remember the last time he had felt like this, the last time he had a hangover, it had been well over one hundred and forty years ago. And this one was significant and well-earned after the vast amount of drinking he and Fox had done the night before. He had no interest in opening his eyes and exposing them to the harsh morning light. Thank goodness Carolyn wasn't too mad about it, otherwise he thought he would have been tossed out of bed long ago, but here he was waking up beside her. Grateful, he allowed his hand to wander to where her breasts should be and found them to be alarmingly flat…

Mulder rolled out of bed so fast that he landed in a heap on the floor.

The Captain rolled out of bed but landed on his feet with a remarkable alacrity and then winced in pain.

The two men stared at each other in shock.

"What the hell?" growled Mulder.

"What are you doing in my bed, Mr. Mulder?" the Captain's visage was stern

"Your bed? As I recall, I fell asleep first. You mumbled something about going home…" he squeezed his eyes shut against the pain of the pounding in his head.

"I didn't get that far," the Captain mumbled.

"Obviously." Mulder squinted at him. "I thought you were Scully until I felt your beard." He concentrated and tried to stop the thundering in his head. "So why were you spooning me?"

"I thought you were Carolyn," he confessed a bewildered look on his face, "That is until I realized that you didn't have any…" he was about to say "breasts" but decided to stop that train of thoughts dead on the tracks. "Oh, blast!' he said massaging his thumping head.

"Shhh! Not so loud," Mulder hissed.

Daniel began to utter a string of the most amazing curses that Mulder had ever heard, and he promised himself he would remember them so that he could appreciate them when he was feeling better. "Shh!"

The Captain walked with great precision and came to a stop in front of Mulder, who looked at him through bleary, pain filled eyes.

"What?" Mulder asked.

"We will never speak of this again," the Captain rumbled, in a voice that brooked no argument. The Captain obviously didn't know Fox Mulder as well as he thought he did.

Mulder couldn't help himself, the absurd situation was too funny. He began to laugh.

"Stop laughing!" The Captain demanded, fury in his blue eyes. "There is nothing funny about this!"

"Everything about this is funny, are you crazy?" Mulder was wiping the tears from his eyes. "Your wife isn't the only one that slept with a ghost. Oh, but that's right, you're not a ghost anymore…"

"We did no such thing!" Daniel was furious. If only his yelling didn't hurt so much.

"Well, we slept in the same bed together, not to mention the spooning incident," Mulder grinned at the man looming over him, and dissolved into another round of laughter.

The Captain couldn't take anymore, with a last glare at Mulder, he waved his hands across his body, snapping them in opposite directions, but the desired outcome did not happen. He was still standing in the room.

Mulder only laughed harder at his look of bafflement and chagrin.

With one last devastating glare, the Captain drew himself up and stomped out of the room, throwing the door open with a resounding crash.

"Hey, at least we were dressed!" Mulder called after him and scrambled to his feet. "Ow, ow, ow!" He followed behind the Captain who was walking steadily away from the motel. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Why don't you call for a ride?"

"No."

"But it's over two miles."

"I know how far it is."

"Hey Danny, wait up! Don't walk so damn fast!" Mulder tried to keep up despite the pounding in his head. How could the other man move so fast and so sure if he was feeling as bad as Mulder? There was no time to ponder this as the Captain continued to move steadily away.

"Danny," he whined. "Wait up."

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Half an hour later, the Captain slowly made his way up to the front door of Gull Cottage. He stopped and swallowed, trying to calm his upset stomach and the pounding in his head. It would bet horribly wrong to greet his wife by being sick all over her. He would be mortified by such an occurrence. Mulder was still some distance behind him, so he gave himself a few minutes to gather himself together. When his traitorous body felt under control he opened the front door and found an empty hallway. Not bothering to shut the front door, he peered into the living room, but it was empty.

His stomach rumbled menacingly as the smell of bacon assailed him and for just a moment he wasn't sure if it was from hunger or agitation. Then he decided it didn't matter because food simply wasn't a good idea. Wincing, he put a hand to his head and steadied himself. He would have to remember not to do this again in a very long time.

The sound of voices and laughter from the kitchen caught his attention. He straightened up his posture and walked softly into the kitchen where he found both Dana and his wife Carolyn sitting at the table eating breakfast.

Carolyn looked up and smiled at him. "Daniel? Come have some breakfast. I'm assuming you stayed in town?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"You boys had too much to drink?" Dana seemed amused.

Again, he gave them a terse nod.

"Where's Mulder?" Dana asked.

"Somewhere behind me. His walking was…slower."

"You walked back?"

"Yes. It seemed a better choice."

They all heard footsteps making their way to the kitchen.

"Danny, why'd you go so fast? You could have walked with me."

"I did not want to. I was tired of your whining."

"Whining? Me?" Mulder gestured to himself.

The women laughed.

"I don't whine."

"G-man?"

"Yes, G-woman?"

"Sometimes you whine."

Mulder seemed deflated, but then brightened. "It okay, cause if you don't want me, I have Danny."

"Fox, what are you going on about?" Carolyn asked, curiosity apparent in her eyes.

"Fox…" The Captain growled, "not a word."

"Captain? Something you'd like to tell us?" Dana asked sweetly.

"No. Not a thing. We went to town, drank too much as men are prone to do, and are now suffering from hangovers. He paused. "Immense hangovers."

Mulder smirked. "You didn't tell them everything."

"There's nothing left to tell!" The Captain raised his voice and stopped, grabbing his head. "Blast!"

"Care to share with us, Fox?" Carolyn prompted.

Mulder grinned at them through bloodshot eyes. "Danny slept with me."

The Captain glared at Mulder as a stunned silence filled the room.

"I beg your pardon, what?" Carolyn asked, a smile threatening to break out over her face.

Dana just laughed. Then she and Mulder looked at each other and they both giggled.

"I did no such thing! We had too much to drink and we just ended up in …the same bed," he finished with a frown.

"He spooned me," Mulder said with great seriousness.

"Blast! Mr. Mulder!" Daniel was all but spitting fire and had he still been a powerful spirit there was no doubt that Mulder would have been swallowed up by the floor. With one last glare at the amused group, he turned on his heel and left.

"Oh, dear, he's very upset," Carolyn said as she looked after her husband. "I'd better go after him. You take yours and I'll take mine."

"Yeah, it looks like I should get him home an put him to bed."

"Bed? Really?" Mulder looked hopeful.

"Forget it, lover boy, I'm not in the mood. And you need to sleep this off."

Mulder gave her a solemn look. "I have felt better," he admitted.

"Where's the car?"

"In town."

Carolyn went over to the cupboard and pulled out a set of keys which she handed to the other woman. "Take our car, we won't be going anywhere for a while."

"Okay, I'll bring it back this afternoon after we retrieve our car from town."

The two women hugged one another, and Dana pushed her husband towards the front door.

"It wasn't bad," he insisted, "Danny spoons really nicely…"

Carolyn laughed as they left, and she shut the door behind them. Sighing, she knew it was time to take care of the wounded ego of her man. She allowed herself a small chuckle before she composed herself and began to walk up the stairs.


End file.
